If you like movies, you've probably been following Uwe Boll's increasingly amazing public statements as Postal's release date nears. There's an internet petition to encourage Uwe Boll to stop making movies, which Boll has responded to publicly in several short filmed messages. Here's the first:
And here's the second:
Most recently, Boll offered his own criticism of an inept YouTube video here:
I've never seen any of Boll's movies, and have no opinion about his skills as a filmmaker. But I do think Boll makes a good point here. He's managed to make a whole lot of features with his name attached, and most of his critics have managed to make none. As he put it:
You are on your own responsible that you don't make movies. It's not my problem and it's not my money what you would get to make your own movies if you get me out of the business. I don't even know why you get off on me like crazy because I'm not in the Hollywood system, I'm the opposite basically. And maybe this is the reason that you all hate me so much, because I've proved that you can do it outside of the system, and you can come up with cheap excuses you have, why you never make it, like why you are not able to make more [than] your mini dv videos at home with ketchup and your little brother. So, uh, I think you should really wake up at one point and you should put your jealous situation away. And if you write me, you don't write me with some bullshit nicknames out of the internet. Write me with your name and address so that I can track you down and rip you apart. Thank you.
And then there's this, from the third clip:
You have to start with something, and as soon as you do something on your own, even if it's this quality, it's better, what they did here, these schoolkids, [than] to be actually only on the internet blogging about people and having, like, uh, not your own life. So go out there and have your own life and make your own movies, and I'm always happy to say something positive about your movie, and these guys did a good job.
Like it or not, Boll is on to something. So I'd like to announce:
THE UWE BOLL MOVIE CHALLENGE
To compete in the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge, you must create a short film that meets the following guidelines:
- It must be made at home.
- You must use ketchup.
- You must use a little brother.
- You must not use some bullshit nickname out of the internet.
- You have until May 16th.
Beyond that, anything goes. You don't have to use Mini-DV. If you don't have a little brother, you can use someone else's. Fictional little brothers (Donald Kaufman, I'm looking at you!) are not permitted, unless they appear in the film. L'il Brudder from Home Star Runner is permitted with extreme prejudice. The filmmakers Boll has called out (Micheal Haneke, Tom Twyker, Gus Van Sant, Steven Spielberg, Eli Roth, George Clooney, and especially Michael Bay) are encouraged to enter.
Enter the contest by posting a link to your video, including your real name, in the comments of this post. I'll embed the best entries into later posts. There is no prize for winning The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge, unless Uwe Boll decides to provide one.
Thanks, and good luck!
5 comments:
What if I myself am a little brother?
I have always found "stop Uwe Boll" campaigns puzzeling. Now, I have never seen one of his movies, but I will take it on good faith that they aren't very high quality. And if they aren't high quality, you just don't watch them! There, you just avoided any and all harm that might have come from the movie being made!
Tiako,
Sure, being a little brother counts.
Yeah, I don't get the animosity toward Boll either. I haven't seen his films, but he's provided me with a lot more entertainment through publicity stunts like these videos and his boxing match than a lot of other directors. Anyone on this list would seem to be a better target for the internet's collective rage, because most of them work inside Hollywood and their movies make money. Which means studios imitate their work, so they're not just mediocre filmmakers themselves, but the cause of mediocre filmmaking in others.
Of course, a better solution would be to not single out any director for a petition-drive and to spend that time and energy doing something productive.
Here's my contribution: "HEAVY METAL ZOMBIES" (shot in February '08)
I think it meets all criteria. It's been shot in my living room, it features my little brother Martin as one of the zombies (he's four years younger than I) and we used a mix of ketchup and sirup to create the fake blood.
Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O8_YuE0Tcg
Hope you enjoy it & All the best,
Tobi (and yes, that's my real name and not some bullshit nickname out of the internet)
Here is my entry for The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge. It's called "ZOMBIES!", because I couldn't think of an actually good title for it. But at least the title tells you what the movie is about. It was made in April 2008, it's just me, a couple of friends, and a cameo of my little brother.
It was made at home, ketchup is in the blood mixture, and it's May 15. It fits all criteria.
I find it odd that both entries at this point are zombie movies. Interesting.
- Zach [real name]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqwPR1R8jkY
Here is my contribution called:
"1000 Miles to Madness"
Combining rabid cut techniques from House of the Dead with the depiction of trees from Blackwood, this semi-mockumentary features shaky-cam (TM) style pseudo action, as seen in Blair Witch or Cloverfield. Since movies like that generally work better as trailers, the release consequently mimics the structure and length of a trailer. IMDB refuses to list it as a movie, although they haven't had a chance to see it.
The link is this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWxJHyQc31E
My name is Klaus Preisinger.
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