So Uwe Boll did not, in the end, tape a video announcing his decision of the winner of the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge. He did, however, respond via email, through the people at MovieSet. Here's his message:
Uwe's response is "winner is Zach Johnson".
So congratulations, Zach. Zombies! now has the official Uwe Boll seal of approval. Feel free to design an official "Uwe Boll Seal of Approval" to run at the start of your film. Tobias Piwek's Heavy Metal Zombies is the winner of the coveted Uwe Boll Movie Challenge Audience Choice Award, with 47% of the vote. Again, feel free to add information about this prestigious award to your film's promotional materials. Tor Hershman's Hey! Hey! We're the Humans! wins the nearly as prestigious Uwe Boll Movie Challenge Audience Choice Runner Up Despite Not Meeting The Contest's Rules or Deadline award. And 1000 Miles to Madness wins the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge Palme d'Last Place. Thanks for playing!
The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge has yielded four entries, ranging from the bizarre to the even more bizarre. Half of the entries were about zombies. The other half were harder to classify. Here they are, embedded without comment, in the order they were submitted. You can vote on your favorite using the poll on the right.
Heavy Metal Zombies, written and directed by Tobias Piwek.
Zombies!, written and directed by Zach Johnson.
1000 Miles to Madness, written and directed by Klaus Preisinger.
Hey! Hey! We're the Humans!, written and directed by Tor Hershman.
I was contacted today by the people at MovieSet, a site that allows filmmakers to start building an online presence for a movie from the point it's greenlit. One of their clients is one Uwe Boll, who's put the site for Postal (as well as some of his other films) at MovieSet. So I have an announcement:
Uwe Boll has agreed to judge the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge.
I'm going to just say that again:
Uwe Boll will now be judging the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge.
Still sorting out the logistics (ideally, he'll announce a winner through an entertaining youtube video), but that's what's going to happen. So if you've been trying for years to get your work in front of Uwe Boll, this is your big chance. So quit stockpiling rice and start stockpiling ketchup!
Post your entries in the comments of the original post. Deadline is still May 16th.
If you like movies, you've probably been following Uwe Boll's increasingly amazing public statements as Postal's release date nears. There's an internet petition to encourage Uwe Boll to stop making movies, which Boll has responded to publicly in several short filmed messages. Here's the first:
And here's the second:
Most recently, Boll offered his own criticism of an inept YouTube video here:
I've never seen any of Boll's movies, and have no opinion about his skills as a filmmaker. But I do think Boll makes a good point here. He's managed to make a whole lot of features with his name attached, and most of his critics have managed to make none. As he put it:
You are on your own responsible that you don't make movies. It's not my problem and it's not my money what you would get to make your own movies if you get me out of the business. I don't even know why you get off on me like crazy because I'm not in the Hollywood system, I'm the opposite basically. And maybe this is the reason that you all hate me so much, because I've proved that you can do it outside of the system, and you can come up with cheap excuses you have, why you never make it, like why you are not able to make more [than] your mini dv videos at home with ketchup and your little brother. So, uh, I think you should really wake up at one point and you should put your jealous situation away. And if you write me, you don't write me with some bullshit nicknames out of the internet. Write me with your name and address so that I can track you down and rip you apart. Thank you.
And then there's this, from the third clip:
You have to start with something, and as soon as you do something on your own, even if it's this quality, it's better, what they did here, these schoolkids, [than] to be actually only on the internet blogging about people and having, like, uh, not your own life. So go out there and have your own life and make your own movies, and I'm always happy to say something positive about your movie, and these guys did a good job.
Like it or not, Boll is on to something. So I'd like to announce:
THE UWE BOLL MOVIE CHALLENGE
To compete in the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge, you must create a short film that meets the following guidelines:
It must be made at home.
You must use ketchup.
You must use a little brother.
You must not use some bullshit nickname out of the internet.
You have until May 16th.
Beyond that, anything goes. You don't have to use Mini-DV. If you don't have a little brother, you can use someone else's. Fictional little brothers (Donald Kaufman, I'm looking at you!) are not permitted, unless they appear in the film. L'il Brudder from Home Star Runner is permitted with extreme prejudice. The filmmakers Boll has called out (Micheal Haneke, Tom Twyker, Gus Van Sant, Steven Spielberg, Eli Roth, George Clooney, and especially Michael Bay) are encouraged to enter.
Enter the contest by posting a link to your video, including your real name, in the comments of this post. I'll embed the best entries into later posts. There is no prize for winning The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge, unless Uwe Boll decides to provide one.
